lucybox | slams hands on table best friends

slams hands on table best friends

[ dave strider ends up choosing cinematography to study because, fuck, why not? it's almost graduation when he finally decides, and it's sort of at random. it's not that he doesn't like video-taping shit (he does) or that he isn't into special effects and sound stuff (he is) but there's a lot of shit dave is into and he wasn't sure how to translate that to college. he loves music; he loves dance; he's really into the film shit and his shitty comics, but he definitely can't do art because the shitty comic quality isn't shitty on accident. but he consults with his siblings and he thinks about it hard and he makes a decision.

and god, it was easier to be excited about that decision before memories and past lives and powers came into play, but it's still kind of cool. dirk hated college but dave likes the idea of it. he likes the routine normality that it seems to suggest, the way he feels kind of grown up and like a half-competent adult when he packs up his shit and heads off to university. it's still in the city so it's not like he's really gone, but it's enough of a distance to allow him to pretend.

these days, somewhat to his surprise, dave wants to pretend. rose doesn't remember a thing about anything going on and his parents probably never will, and it's strange and too much like playing pretend every day to live there. he can't tell them about anything. he can't even tell roxy, because he doesn't want to mention most of the things he knows to anyone. even the tiny things are seeming more and more dangerous, because then it's just a chain of memories, all the way down the line, and eventually they'll all remember the shit he doesn't say, but -

but. well. he can, for now, pretend to be an ordinary kid at college. he has a schedule? he has a mini fridge. he has a room, and he's carefully pinned up a few posters and sorted all his things. he's mindlessly listening to music with his earbuds in when the door opens, and he tracks the movement even behind his shades and sits up. ]

Yo - [ he's absolutely never met the guy who just waltzed into his (their) room but dave absolutely knows him. he reflexively reaches up to adjust his shades. okay. shit. that's john egbert - or...someone? maybe his name is different? but it's john, egderp, the dork who really likes mc...whatever and hates cake and who gave dave these shades, once upon a time, and he's here and really a real live person and ok dave maybe stop staring you're being weird.

shit he's in kindergarten again? how the fuck did you make someone your best friend back then. did you just go up and say "mine" and call dibs? does someone else have dibs???? can dave fight them for dibs -

STILL STARING, DAVE ]

Uh, [ internal screaming ] I'm Dave. Sup.

[ an attempt was made. i guess. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Okay. This makes total sense to him and it's for that reason he's absolutely trusting Dave on this. He knows that Dave probably would be forthright about something like this and doesn't think to question the possibilities just yet.]

What about everyone else you--we--know? Are they on the faster side, too? Is that why you know so much? You've been talking to them.

Ehhhh. [ the truth is, dave...has kept like over half his memories secret. it was over half at the three or four month mark, and now like half a year later it is...

significantly more than that. ]

I do talk to them about some shit, but not all the shit. As far as I know I'm the quickest, with Dirk fallin' somewhere after me, then a descending scale. This other guy I know says they're pickin' on me. Retrospec, I mean.

[That's not reassuring. He doesn't call him on it yet but he's also lifting his eyebrows before letting them drop back down.]

Maybe it's a Time thing. [That's not how that works.] Maybe you're regaining at like 2x speed and that's why you have the most. The Retrospec people probably know don't they?

I mean, probably. They had files on us, but those were of our lives here - and I mean, I assume they still have them, but this was a while back - this dude who ain't around the network anymore broke in and got them, and that was weird. I just kinda assume they know everything, it's easier that way.

[ MAY AS WELL START OUT PARANOID, HE FIGURES, ]

I'm not sure whether or not it's a time thing, but I have got back other shit faster, too. If "got back" is a phrase I'm allowed to use here.

That's really reassuring. Just what I wanted to hear, somebody I've never even met knows all about me. […] You don't count in that situation. Just so you know. Never mind.

[THIS IS FINE.] If it was something that was taken away, then I guess you would get it back. Like what? Besides the eyes.

I'm glad I'm an exception? [ because that sure was a split-second moment of swooping stomach nerves, but MOVING ON. ]

Uh, I'm fast? Like, really fast. And I can do some time shit. And use a sword. It's welsh.

[ the welshness is important, dave GUESSES? ]

Oh, and my sylladex.

Well yeah. We're friends, aren't we? [He doesn't know that those words might have more of an impact than he means for them to, but they're sincere nonetheless. He has no reason not to believe any of this now that he's witnessed it and even if he doesn't understand it, he's at least happy there's someone like Dave around that can explain it.]

Why's it welsh? [WHY IS THAT THE QUESTION. But he blinks in surprise as he tries to remember...any of this.] Sylladex. [He seems to be mumbling it like he's trying to understand.] Can I see it? The sylladex, not the sword, but maybe the sword, too.

[ SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU'RE TO BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME but seriously though "we're friends, aren't we?" like it's the simplest thing in the world is just like oh. okay. dave didn't need his heart or anything and it's not like he'd die to make sure that keeps being a thing, we're chill. ]

We're friends. [ firmly and then moving on like it wasn't the most important thing ever - ] Apparently only a welsh thing can kill some big bad guy, maybe, I'm not clear on that - as to the sylladex, you can. Maybe see it? I'm never sure how much of it is an abstraction only I can see.

[ WHAT DOES THAT MEAN - but at least he can pull out his strife specibus card, and he does that, simply out of apparent thing air ig. ]

I have hash-map modus, which is...a trial, sometimes, but I've mostly got it under control. Had practice, you know. [ he hands over the card: 1/2 + bladekind. ]

[With the matter of friendship settled John's more intrigued by all of this weird past-life bullshit, making a face at the idea only a welsh thing can kill some big bad guy. It's clear that he doesn't have all of those memories yet, but he recalls enough that he's not startled when Dave just starts appearifying stuff.

Instead, he leans forward to take the card and he flips it over, studying the back and everything.]

All of us had different ones. [Is it a statement or a question, we don't know.] Different strifes and different moduses. [And then suddenly he looks at Dave and narrows his eyes.] I did not suck that badly at stack.

[He definitely sucked. He definitely remembers he sucked at his original modus.]

Dude, yeah you did. Like you were by far the worst of us at sylladexes, and that's sayin' something. [ DAVE, THE KID WHO ACCIDENTALLY KILLED A CROW (no one will ever know) SAYS. ] You did ok with hammers, though, so I guess that worked out.

[ hope you like hammers dude! ]

I can't believe I thought hammers were a good idea. [More like "I can't believe I listened to Dave Strider and allocated a hammer to my strife specibus" but he doesn't remember the full extent of the conversation. Dave is saved by John being clueless.]

Does it ever get easier? Working with only part of your memories and not the rest. This whole thing is giving me a headache because I know what you're saying is true, but I do not remember everything I should remember about these things.

[ HOPE YOU LIKE HAMMERS, DUDE, and yet dave will not elucidate him re that ]

Ah...I think it depends on what kinda person you are, and what you've remembered. It can be killer not having context for certain things you did or said, especially when they seem...bad. Without context. Like...hurting someone, and not wantin' to, but knowin' you had to, but not knowin' why you had to? I think it helps in those cases to have someone around who knows more, but I can't be sure, since I generally have known the most and so that is mostly me sayin' I hope it has been helpful to have me around in those cases sometimes?

[STRIIIDER!!!

On the other hand even if Dave's not helping him there, John can't help but take his words seriously. That's the tricky thing about memory, he thinks, that you don't always know what pieces will fit where and how to avoid certain things from happening. He has bits and pieces and while he doesn't think anything seems bad yet, the fact that Dave is specifically mentioning it gives him an idea that it is entirely possible.]

Even though we just met. Re-met. Whatever, even though I just started talking to you again today you have been confusing and helpful at the same time which is better than just being confusing. I don't know what would have happened if I started discovering all of this by myself before talking to anyone else. It probably would have been okay, but at the same time I think I might have freaked the fuck out so. Thanks for having my back on this. You're helping at least one person.

I'll always have your back on anything. [ doesn't matter what, doesn't matter when. maybe it'd be different if he didn't halfway know john and didn't have a thousand feelings saying he has to be there for this guy come hell or high water, but dave's pretty sure even if he hadn't remembered enough he would have done the same, although maybe he wouldn't have said it. ]

I think I would have gone mildly insane if my sibs hadn't gotten the app at the same time as me, even if I have arguably gone mildly insane post that.

You seem to be doing okay for being a mildly insane guy. [Well.] At least I know what to look forward to next now that the app's claimed me.

[It's also nice to hear that, and for another moment he regards Dave thoughtfully.] I wish I remembered more about you. I'm sorry.

It's chill. Like I said, no one else remembers...quite so much.

[ they just know him and love him for other reasons, based on, you know. this universe. john doesn't even have that cheat card, so it's less chill than dave claims, but whatever. he's kind of used to his life being stupid at this point (which is maybe not how to put "i remember a lifetime of abuse at the hands of someone who looks like my brother nearly exactly, and also killing my brother, and also dying a lot,,," but what can you do). ]

It's entirely possible no one will ever remember everythin'. It could actually be a time player thing, like you said. Some...awareness of the other timeline that other people don't have. Who knows?

[Is it chill? John's starting to wonder how Dave can be so calm under all of this. Not that he's expecting Dave to throw a shit-fit and start screaming or anything, but just picturing all of this and not knowing what's up is starting to hurt his brain and he doesn't even have that many memories yet.

And it's true. He is sorry he doesn't remember because he's not stupid. He can pick up the little bits and pieces based on his short time talking to Dave that his behavior's a little out of the ordinary and that this wouldn't be normal for anyone else if they'd walked in through the door of this dorm room. He can pick up that they must have been close enough once upon a time that Dave Strider was comfortable enough to call him stupid names like Egderp, to lean on him and also razz him for stupid shit like his phones and his shitty movie taste. Once upon a time he met three other teenagers from different parts of the globe and he and these kids went on an adventure together and why, why are the important parts blanking out on him now when they clearly exist?

He knows Dave Strider in ways that have transcended time and space, ways that he didn't even know he knew until he started looking him in the face and learning to read. He knows that Dave is someone who will probably always say something is fine even when it's not fine (not that he can prove that, but how could someone be fine when their best friend is clueless as shit?) Dave is someone who will downplay everything and appear chill as hell (he had known about John for months and composed himself well.) Dave is someone who doesn't always have answers but will provide an answer he thinks people want to hear and while John appreciates that he can't help but wonder what, exactly, is going through Dave Strider's head.

On the other hand, part of him also wonders if the John back then knew everything about Dave, too, and immediately for reasons he can't quite explain he feels a little uneasy. Dave apparently liked him enough to call him "best friend" but without his memories, John has to wonder if he was always a good friend. That's always been important to him, being a friend to people moreso than anything else. He has no way of asking without making this weird and instead…okay, it's apparently John's turn to stare at Dave while all of this rattles around in his brain.

Is this normal? Having a strong sense of attachment to someone without being able to pinpoint why or how. Fuck no it's not and though John can understand where it's coming from at the same time he's now determined to make things better and make things right. He wants to remember to…what, reassure him? Dave doesn't need reassurance (but what if he does?), Dave has a handle on this.

Dave Strider is the hero of time and John is someone who used to wonder about him a lot.

'Isn't that easier? I mean, he IS Dave after all…right?'
'Well yeah, but he's kinda different from Dave.'
'He is not so different.'

'Or I dream about someone we know…and I get excited. But then it turns out they don't know who I am! It's like a version of them…before they ever even knew us, and it's just kind of awkward. And I still haven't seen Dave or Rose AT ALL.'

'Things have a way of changing. Like, have you thought at all about what it's going to be like when you see Dave again?']

I…do not really think all of this is as chill as you say it is. But if you want it to be chill, then it's chill. [He leans forward with his elbows on his knees, continuing to watch Dave carefully.] But I don't think I like the idea of not remembering everything there is to remember when there are years I'm forgetting. Does that make any sense? Frankly, it's bullshit. Just because I don't control time or whatever the fuck doesn't mean forgetting and not wanting to remember is okay, so…I won't do that. If you remember something about me, will you tell me when it happens?

Edited 2017-05-09 18:41 (UTC)

[ john's the one staring silently and dave doesn't rush him or really fidget under the regard. he tips his head to the side, resting his cheek against his crossed arms over the back of the chair, slouching more into his leaning against the back of the computer chair thing. if he's nervous he's good at concealing it - and he is nervous, he does have to swallow around a knot of emotions he doesn't want to look at too closely, fears that john will remember things, but they'll be the wrong things, or bad things. he doesn't think he ever did to john what he did to dirk - doesn't think he ever hurt john, ever cut him to pieces because of a single look that said you're going to have to - but he doesn't know if he hasn't remembered something that'll make john less willing to have this be a thing. the thing where they're friends, and john not being here was like a missing limb the more dave remembered john egbert, and the thing where he's not sure he can handle it gracefully if john calls it quits.

except he knows he's perfectly capable of pretending to do so. if someone walks away, he'll let them go, and he'll plaster on the poker face again and again until there isn't a single damn crack. sometimes he isn't certain that people shouldn't be walking away, like that might be the safest route for them, and that thought is terrifying and he tries not to have it, locks it away and pretends it never came through and stayed, an uninvited houseguest he can't kick out the door.

when john speaks, he listens. still quiet in a strange way, not moving, just waiting. and it's not chill, and john knows it, and dave gets what john is saying because he so desperately wants context on so many things but also, he doesn't want anyone else to have...whatever this is. ptsd? holy shit, he probably has ptsd now. fuck.

and john asks if dave will tell him something, and he wants to say yes. but -

TT: Can you promise you won't tell him?
TT: It would probably make him more nervous than he needs to be if he knew.
TG: ok i wont say anything
TG: just tell me

they'd kept secrets, hadn't they? they'd always kept secrets from john, and dave had always kept secrets from rose and everyone else. no one had to know the things that would hurt them, or the things that might hurt him. he'd never wanted to put the weight of bro and everything else on any of his friends, because they were good people and they would feel it and he'd never wanted to know if they'd look at him with pity for even a second. he'd never wanted them to suffer any more than they absolutely had to, and for that he was more than willing to bear the weight of anything alone, if it meant they could just be...themselves. unburdened.

but they'd all gotten the weight of the world piled on them again and again despite that simple desire. ]

I... [ they're not thirteen or sixteen. they're older than that. even so, he hesitates. ] ...I'm not sure a lot of it isn't best forgotten. At least when - everyone's happy about, you know, other shit. [ their dumb suburban lives that don't hurt. ] But if you wanna know [ if that's what it takes to keep john here ] I'll tell you.

[Is this what they call a standstill? Two parties locked in and not entirely willing to bow but still considering each other carefully? It's not a battle. With Dave, it's never been a battle and Dave has always been on his team. Maybe it's stupid to trust him so willingly without full context, the very thing he's bringing up, but currently everything about Dave resonates as "positive" and it's better this way. When negative memories come (which seems to be inevitable, if Dave's demeanor is to be believed) he will at least have his best bro on-hand and they can figure this out together.

Even if Rose doesn't remember. Even if Jade doesn't remember in the same way. They will make this work.

"What happened to you?" is a question he wants to ask but he knows enough to be able to differentiate that he is not the right John for that question. Not now. Not yet. That doesn't stop him from being equally still and refusing to break eye contact. This is serious. (Idly, he wonders why no movie has ever prepped him for this college experience.]

So what? [John...] We are getting these back anyway whether they're best forgotten or not. So I'd rather know than be surprised later. Wouldn't you? [...] I mean I guess that's kind of happening to you anyway, isn't it.

[ rip dave if the day comes when the question "what happened to you?" comes from any version of john in any universe. that is a thing no version of him has ever prepared for, because honestly, he's never once planned to tell anyone anything about any of it. in fact, it is very much the opposite in general.

john says so what and it's flippant but it's about a thing that isn't flippant at all. there are two desires at battle here: not to make john remember anything bad (not to make anyone remember anything bad, to protect them from that if he can) and to have john remember him. because he's lonely, maybe, and it's a stupid thing to be when he knows so many people, but it has been true for a fairly long time now. ]

I remember how you became the Heir of Breath, fullstop god tier. We could see it from our planets, y'know? The lights in the sky.

[Today, at least, Dave is sort of spared. John has thousands of questions but he can be patient enough. This is about them in this situation, not about anything else just yet. Whatever he was expecting Dave to say, uh, well it wasn't that. He's been thinking on this for the last few minutes since Dave told him they were friends and the memories started popping in bursts, little blips on his radar that made zero sense but tiny flashbulbs in his head. Sort of like:]

Fireflies. [The planet had been filled with fireflies, but why? Think, damnit, think!] There were a lot of fireflies. And we became gods? [Planets? And again, it's a cascading effect as little things weave together. The salamanders, following the advice of someone (whoever she was) to a slab of stone on his planet, laying down and being put to sleep and...

...oh.

He's silent again. So that's how that happened, then. Even without realizing it his fingers move to trace over the space in his gut where he knows by instinct alone that's how that happened, even if he doesn't know the full extent.]

What did it look like? I never saw the rest of you ascend. That happened elsewhere. ["How much did you see" is the question that he's not asking. He's curious where Dave's psyche lies in all of this and honestly, if Dave's been sitting on this memory for months prior to John showing up no wonder he received the kind of reaction he did.]

[ dave tracks the movement of john's fingers, red eyes steady behind his shades. he did that a few times too, at the start. the bullet wounds, the cuts from bro's sword, scars he doesn't have or didn't keep - it feels sometimes like the wound should still be there, even if he knows none of them will be. ]

What did it look like when you ascended? Or when I did? [ but he gets the unasked for question. ] Like...a million stars converging in the sky. At the time I didn't know exactly what was happenin'. At least, the first time I saw it I didn't know what was happenin'. Some of the later times I saw it I understood.

[ timeloops. ]

It felt beautiful but kind of sad, and I didn't know why.

Edited 2017-05-09 22:49 (UTC)

[He knows there's nothing there. He knows that, but he wonders. A million stars…he can understand that and he almost wishes he could see it for himself. Heh. That would defeat the point though, maybe, and he doesn't think to question the comment about "later times."

Dave Strider and multiple timelines. Multiple Daves. That's familiar, too. It's only when Dave stops describing it that he fills in the one missing piece.]

Because I died, Dave. [Simple, matter-of-fact and blunt in the matters of himself. He doesn't know what it means. Death occurred and he became a god, so obviously he didn't stay dead, but. He thinks maybe that's the strength of their friendship or something weird like that, an instinct knowing something went wrong. Is that possible? He pushes that thought aside for now.] Somehow bright lights make everything prettier even when it's the worst outcome. [There's another pause.] But you didn't know how it worked the first time. How many times did you have to watch it?

I know you did. [ he knows now, he eventually knew one of the myriad thens, but the first time he hadn't and it'd been one of those sburb quirks he hadn't quite gotten yet. at least that death he didn't have to see up close and in person. at least that death he missed out on, except from a distance, unable to do a thing to stop it - even knowing he could have gotten there to see it in person, it was a thing that happened, so -

of course the time player would let it happen, again and again. you can't change what's going to happen. ]

I saw it a few times. [ "a few" without specification. thanks, dave. ] But it was what had to happen. I got that by the time I knew what was goin' on. So.

So you've been sitting here for months with a memory of watching me become a god or whatever after I died in my sleep without me even being in this city. And this is exactly what I'm talking about. I would rather know things and be able to tell someone if they wanted to know what I knew. Even if I don't understand everything you just said or I don't remember how we all really met and what happened to us, I want to make sure. [There's more to that sentence, but he stops. "I want to make sure you're okay" is a hell of a sentence to say to someone you just met, past-life best bro or not.]

So then…do you think that's what happened to us? We died and now we're back here and starting over? That's a thing time does right? I don't feel like a god.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject