lucybox | ty wants to see dave put his foot in his mouth

ty wants to see dave put his foot in his mouth

[ today in alternate reincarnation aus i guess: what if instead of john egbert walking into his college room, his Destined Roomie (tm) it happened instead like this?

dave and rose don't really go to parties that often. it's not that they're opposed to socializing or anything, it's just not their Thing. dave is more likely to spend his free time dicking around on the internet or bothering his siblings and friends. the only changes memories have caused is an occasional interest in being alone. rose - well, rose tends to have her own things, and like dave she seems to be perfectly fine without the College Experience of parties. dave's pretty sure roxy is the only one who really actively seeks that kind of thing out, and that suits him fine.

so he's not really sure why he and rose agree to go to this party, except it's being thrown by a bunch of rose's more nerdy friends, people she's met in classes that dave doesn't take. and, well, if rose grabs dave's arm and tells him he has plans, dave is more likely than not to go "yeah, okay" or at least to let himself be dragged along as he protests and argues the entire way there.

he expects to try to stick to juice (he will go into people's fridges without worrying, whatever) and to chat with people randomly, and maybe if he's lucky there'll be fireworks, since this is supposedly a fourth of july thing?

he does not expect to recognize someone and he does not expect to need the mouth-to-brain filter that only sometimes functions periodically and so he kind of freezes up, points at his best friend and says ]

Dibs. [ louder than expected, although at least some people are drunk enough to just kind of snort and move on.

...rose laughs, pats his arm, and ABANDONS HIM, the lousiest excuse for a twin sister in the world (he would kill and die for her) and dave flounders. ] I mean - shit. Shit, I can't save that one, oh my god. Is there a convenient balcony to fling myself off of.

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If you're going to the frat-boy thing you're going to need a toga. Or a lei, maybe? This doesn't exactly say luau but you could probably make it work Van Wilder-style. Plus Tumblr still exists. That shit's infinite. [There's another awkward grin because it's still a weird thing to say and Dave's playing it cool. John says stupid things more often than not and gets teased for it but he doesn't mind. That's usually among his friends. This, however, was something else.]

So um. I'm flattered? I think? But I'm not really...[...] "Dibs"?

[ john no. no, don't bring back the fact dave said that and still...means it...what is his life. god. way to make things awkward, strider, definitely couldn't have handled this one worse??? what does he have to do to make a cool first impression on someone. ]

I mean, you don't have to respect the rules of dibs if you're not a bro, and ergo not cool enough to do so?

[ THAT'S NOT WHAT HE WANTED TO SAY but you know what, mouth. sure. let's go with that one. dave raises his eyebrows like anything he's said in the last five minutes make sense and, obviously, nothing is awkward and he didn't also you know say that part about wanting to throw himself off a balcony. never happened! what are you talking about!

it is unclear why he believes this will work. ]

[To his credit, John's not laughing in his face. On the other hand, John's not exactly sure how to respond either because it's hard to tell if the guy's serious or not and this doesn't happen to him, like, ever. It's not a secret that John isn't cool, has never been cool, probably never will be cool and he's okay with that. John will always just be himself and be happy that way, plugging along and doing what he wants to do.

So, to say that he's surprised anyone would call dibs on him in the first place is an understatement, and part of him is starting to think that Dave's maybe just playing an elaborate joke. Which, he can respect and all, but there's such a thing as overstretching it.]

Haha. [Yep. Sure did just say "haha" out loud.] That is definitely me, not cool enough to respect the rules of dibs. I don't even know the rules? [Oh my god why would you admit that out loud? Stupid, stupid, stupid.] Which means I guess I'll just...go so you can have dibs on somebody else. It's a pretty big party.

[Come on, feet. Let's move. Anytime now.]

Wait no. [ thanks for not laughing in his face but dave's eyes do widen - behind his shades. he doesn't quite let his hands leave his pockets to like, actively reach out, since he can't in any universe stop someone leaving when they try to go (abscond was never an option for him and he'd never stop it being a choice for someone else). there's an emphasis despite the lack of raising his voice, and dave shuts up and tries to think.

god, it would help right about now if he were as smooth as he jokes about being. supposedly he's charismatic (everyone who says this is biased) but that is not showing any results right now so it's useless? ]

I wouldn't call dibs on someone I didn't think was cool? Like. Have you really never walked into a room and thought "oh hey that's who I wanna spend the night talkin' to".

[ is that creepy. shit he's being creepy, why did rose abandon him and where is she so he can glare at - oh my god she literally just went and found a seat with friends with a good vantage point for this trainwreck. what the fuck, rose! ]

Or like, seen someone with a shirt so "please tell me you don't like that movie in actuality" you just gotta start up a debate?

[He should go? He should definitely, absolutely move and maybe make another round with people and decide if it's worth staying but no. For whatever reason he makes zero movements to float off and do whatever and instead he continues to stare at Dave even as he idly pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose with one hand. Even hearing it explained, he's not sure where the logic is coming from and part of him wants to say "uh" and another part wants to say "are you trying to hit on me?" and another part wants to just shut his mouth and wander off and let somebody else deal with this but. No.

No. Things in this town have been sort of strange and unusual in ways he can't quite put a finger on and somehow even with the fact he gets along well enough with most people this is still the most interesting thing that's happened to him tonight. So instead of saying any of those things he looks down before lifting his eyebrows and facing Dave again.]

Wait, what's wrong with Ace Ventura? [He has an overshirt on but it's unbuttoned and clearly revealing his stupid shirt that also maybe has a few holes in it at the bottom he didn't notice. Ah well. Congrats, Dave, you have the attention of one dork.]

[ nailed it. ...after failing like three times in a row, but. STILL...EVENTUALLY STUCK THE LANDING...or at least he's kind of precariously balancing on the ledge pinwheeling his arms and trying to grab a lifeline he threw out himself? ]

Dude. The real question is what isn't wrong with Ace Ventura? Not Carrey's best work. [ he doesn't really mind the film but he does think it's kind of dumb and that is enough to go off of to start a debate if, like, that's what it takes to keep john in one place and not wandering off??? ] Like, if you have to pick a Carrey movie to wear a shirt from at least go with The Mask or somethin' you can kinda pass off as, like, nostalgia value. Though I guess Ventura would work for a 90s kid, but neither of us is old enough to be a genuine version of one of those.

[ he digs his left hand out of his pocket and holds it out. ]

I'm Dave Strider. Please tell me your favorite movie is something not Pet Detective?

Duh. His best work was in Dumb and Dumber. [You wanna go, Strider? He will talk stupid shit like this all night even if it means debating and defending his (quite frankly) shitty choices.] And how do you know how old I am? Maybe I'm just young-looking for my age. [Yeah he can't keep a straight face on that to save his life. But he looks at Dave's hand for a moment like he's debating if he wants to go through with it before he reaches out and firmly shakes his hand.]

John Egbert. And nah, it's Zoolander. [Somehow this is much better.]

[ this is not better at all, john. dave is frankly offended he thinks this is better, although he just kind of snorts. ]

Ok, at least that one has Stiller and Wilson in it. [ he has a soft spot for ben stiller. even if the shades are from...an alternate universe stiller? god that's weird to think about. ] Still, how is that what you pull out as an all-time favorite film? Your favorite movie should have, like, some kinda depth of character or somethin' or be like, shit, this guy knows where it's at, I'd watch that fifty times. Although then there's the consideration of "is this favorite a cliche or too popular", you know? Wait do you like Sharknado, though??

[ that's worse than the other movies john mentioned? ]

Why wouldn't that be a movie with character depth and watchability? I've probably watched it one-hundred and fifty times. [He absolutely has not, but it's definitely sitting back in his student apartment right now.] The whole story is awesome, too, it's like the ultimate underdog tale for guys who can't hero good and want to learn to do other good stuff too.

[It's a fucking stupid movie and he unironically loves the hell out of it.] What's not to like about whirlwind sharks though? [A shrug.] I don't know if I've ever had a favorite anything that's too popular so take that consideration out.

...Is every film you like really bad, John. [ it is Everything he was promised and more via memories but even so. this is hilarious? ] Re: underdogs and heroes, I suppose I have never been drawn in by that sort of tale so much as the absurd underpinnin' the non-absurd. For example: Sharknado gets a pass, and so does Snakes on a Train. But I'm a fan moreso of shit like...Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

[ best friend shenanigans THROUGH TIME!!! what is not to like. ]

Uh. Yeah, maybe. [A sheepish grin follows but at this point John figures if Dave was trying to hold his attention so bad he can afford to let himself just be normal.] I'm working on it. How can you not be a fan of the hero rising up and defeating all that is evil? [He folds his arms over his chest then, also partially obscuring his silly shirt.] But B&T's still a pretty okay choice, so I guess we can maybe be friends.

I think heroism is more complicated than just defeatin' a big bad. [ but he waves that away and. absolutely does not perk up at the "we can maybe be friends". nope. no siree. dave's lips do not twitch into a smile and he does not shift his stance to be a little more open and closer and he does not brighten up in a very subdued kind of way at all. things that never happened: that. (he brightens up, in a very subdued kind of way. rose notices. it's terrible.) ] I suppose I can overlook the Ventura thing to be pals, Egbert. After all, it would be a true tragedy to deprive you of my stellar company. Hell, you're apparently lackin' someone to tell you that you need new film picks?

[ ...that sounds big-headed but at least it's said with a wry sort of humor, like he doesn't believe it entirely himself and is inviting a certain degree of laughter. ]

You clearly haven't watched enough hero movies since that's, like, all there really is to it according to Hollywood. [He's not good at reading Dave and maybe he never will be, so he misses all of this entirely and just assumes they're bantering back and forth, not that he essentially just made Dave Strider probably the happiest person in the room.

On the other hand, that sincere sort of look returns as he shrugs again.] I haven't really made a lot of movie-friends since I moved here. [That's a safer option than "I haven't really made a lot of friends in general." There are people he talks to, people he gets along with, people he exchanges notes and conversations with, and then there are friends. But even so...there's a grin.] But if that happens, then who're we getting to tell you when your taste sucks?

[ he jerks a thumb over his shoulder towards where rose is watching. ] The girl who looks like a very feminine rendition of me, gone goth? Yeah. She is constantly on board for lettin' me know when she thinks my opinions are dumb as fuck. I am pretty sure this started in the womb, but I can't prove it. Still, the position always has room for a person or two more, if you think you're up to the challenge.

[ the position of telling him that his taste sucks, dave means. ]

Also, Hollywood has terrible opinions on things, so why would I want to believe them about shit?? I guess it'd take actually doin' that shit to really know if it were good or bad, really, and clearly we ain't gotta worry about that, so maybe it's a moot point.

[He pauses for a minute to look at Rose, eyes widening a bit before he tries not to think about the fact she's watching and redirecting his attention on Dave again.]

The scary grimdark girl's your sister. Right. Of course she is. [There's a light laugh.] Pretty sure you're going to need a balance and opinion from someone who isn't your family. I probably have room in my schedule somewhere.

[But also he would never pass up that kind of opportunity? And obviously if he and Dave are friends he can coerce him into better movie choices himself. Clearly. On the other hand, the word "schedule" seems to make him think of something.] You sure you don't have other friends you want to catch up with?

Grimdark. [ dave says, like he's testing the word. it feels familiar and he's not sure if one of those little kernels of knowledge is going to bloom or if some flashback is about to happen, but for the moment it seems safe. ] That's one way of describin' Rose. And nah, I don't have anyone else to catch up with. I'm pretty sure Rose'll kill me if I tag along, she wants to like, get her flirt on or somethin', and I am cordially uninvited to that kinda affair.

[ HE HAS...TRIED TO INVITE HIMSELF ALONG BEFORE, because he is clingy, but rose doesn't appreciate it for some reason. rude. ]

So I'm completely free to let you insult my movie taste for the evening, and vice versa.

Why would you want to? [He shakes his head slowly.] I thin if I had a sister I'd probably run the opposite direction from whatever romantic bullshit she's dealing with. Too much of a headache.

[But okay. While Dave is Much Better about being subtle, John's not and so he perks right up at the idea of having a new companion. With that though he's turning, not even bothering to see if Dave will follow just because he has a feeling that he will. Let's go find something to drink and go wander a bit.] Does the topic just extend to movies or can I trash your taste in other stuff, too?

You can trash my taste in whatever. As long as you can live with yourself for sayin' blatantly wrong things, of course? [ yeah dave is predictably following along after john, hands in his pockets and acting for all the world like a cat who has just so happened to go in this direction, for no particular reason at all, while there is an obvious reason involved. ]

Also, I'd want to 'cause she's basically my best friend I guess? I mean, I guess that's why, and I get bored otherwise, although I don't mind bein' alone so much as I could I guess.

Yeah, yeah. [Come along, Dave-cat. John also apparently doesn't mind roaming people's houses but he's a little more hesitant about snooping before eventually finding a can of soda on the counter and popping it open.] I'm not the one who can't appreciate such fine cinematography.

[But he rotates to lean against the counter, glancing down at his sneakers and hiding a grin behind the lip of the soda can.] Good enough for me. [On the other hand:] But being alone gets boring after a while too doesn't it?

Depends on why you're alone, and if you actually wanna be, I guess?

[ dave...ignores the sodas on the counter and wanders to the fridge, pulling it open and rummaging through the contents. come on where's the - ahah. there's like one box of apple juice and he pulls that out like it's a totally normal thing to have at a college party (and really, who cares what people drink at those) and then wanders back to the counter.

he doesn't lean against it but boosts himself up to sit on top, where he starts to unwrap the straw to poke into the box. ]

But personally I usually prefer the company of other people. [ except when he doesn't but who cares about those times! ] Also since you're the one who is wearin' an Ace Ventura shirt I object to you usin' the words "fine cinematography" in conjunction for the time bein'.

[ dave is like, in a tmnt shirt though? whatever, dave. ]

[Okay you do you, Strider. So Dave's up on the counter and John's next to him and leaning and here they are like they hadn't just met fifteen minutes ago.]

The city's huge. It's hard to imagine being alone even if you want to be anyway. And shut up? It's because I found a huge hole in my Ghostbusters shirt thanks to Casey so I had to switch last minute. What's your excuse?

[ dave takes a second to take a sip out of his goddamn juicebox at a grown up college party before responded with affected disdain. ]

This is obviously an ironic fashion statement. I'm wearin' it because it's awesome. The fact that it's ironic makes it awesome, and vice versa. Are you takin' notes on how to be cool yet? Jesus, get a fuckin' pen.

[ don't ever take notes on how to be cool from dave strider. that is like cribbing from someone's math notes for an english exam. ]

I don't need to take notes since I can never aspire to be as cool as you. I may as well give up now, see myself out of here because I will never be on the level of Dave "too-cool-for-school" Strider. [Who. Is actually in all seriousness drinking from a goddamn juicebox. This is absurd.] Next you're going to tell me that tomorrow's wardrobe includes a Sesame Street shirt.

[ it's apple juice and apple juice is fucking awesome, john can't judge him for this!!!! ]

Tomorrow is clearly gonna be the Berenstain Bears shirt so I can fuck with people, keep up, Egbert. [ dave, stop memeing. ] So who's Casey? I am assumin' some kinda pet unless you have a significant other slash friend who rips holes in shirts? Which overall seems more pet than person, thus the assumption.

Jesus fuck. [There's a breathless sort of laugh because the interesting thing is that he's actually not sure if Dave's kidding or not. If he walks across campus and finds Dave in a legit t-shirt with cartoon bears on it he's quitting and moving back to Washington. Maybe. But the Casey question causes him to brighten again and he's actually using his non-soda hand to wriggle his phone out of his pocket, unlocking it and heading to his Instagram. This version of John actually has one of those and it's filled with three things. Stupid shit, selfies, and pictures of a very cute and fluffy tan bunny. So yeah, he's stupidly handing his phone over to Dave with one of the photos up to show him.]

Casey probably would like to be a person but if she doesn't stop chewing and ripping holes in my shit that's not happening. Good assumption though.

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