so age shenanigans "lucy what do you use your musebox for" nonsense threads and holiday cards

[parodeity]

[ one day dave strider wakes up and the tower isn't familiar or comfortable. it's place he's never been with weird trappings of familiarity. there are things that are clearly his or that he...thinks are his? turntables unfamiliar to him in specific except they're his exact set up. clothes in the closet a little too big for his frame, but the pajamas he'd been wearing are just black pants an a loose t-shirt so those are fine. there's stickers on the top of the bunk bed frame, the bed he woke up in, and some are sbahj. there are pictures pinned places he's mostly ignoring because they're too odd, and it's...

not his bedroom. it's not his apartment. after looking out a window, dave's pretty sure it's maybe not his planet.

which, okay. sburb has only just become a thing and already dave is pretty sure bullshit is par for the course. but a little more warning would have been nice? or any warning at all. the workbench in the room he woke up in is weird and a little unsettling and so dave goes...down the stairs because he hears stuff down there and smells.

food?

that is a weird thing to smell in the morning. what the fuck. he'll kind of peer around the corner with as much caution as he can muster, figuring he doesn't see his own corpse so either this doesn't go sideways at all or it just hasn't yet and - ]

Bro. [ deadpan neutral surprise, because, yeah. that's...no, he's younger, but still. hm. reluctantly, dave stops peering around the corner and drifts further into the room, regarding the kitchen being used as a kitchen with well but not perfectly hidden dismay and concern. ]

Comments

[splinten]

Apparently. [Uh. Shit.]

Do you want breakfast? I was makin' pancakes for us.

[He gestures at them.] Side of eggs and then an apple for you and an orange for me.

[He won't get into a discussion of the training thing because maybe this isn't the time or place.]

[parodeity]

[ "do you want me to want breakfast" feels like a weird question? also he has decided the shades thing is probably a test and very warily removes his own and pretends like this is normal (it's not normal and he doesn't try to make eye contact at all. ]

Sure. [ play it cool. do not question why bro is making pancakes. alternate universe bro? whatever. ] I didn't expect to unlock waterworld via sburb.

[splinten]

You don't have to take your shades off if you don't want. It's cool either way.

[Ah. He should clarify this.]

I don't do tests. Which doesn't help if you think that's a test in itself, but yeah. I know he did but it isn't my style.

[Other things he decides not to get into the nuances of: his style, regarding tests. The pancakes are now put on a plate on the table.]

Waterworld isn't a Sburb unlock. It's a weird anomaly thing courtesy of timespace-warping aliens.

[parodeity]

[ "i don't do tests" SOUNDS LIKE A TEST?????????? dave. clips his shades to the front of his shirt, apparently committing to the thing he doesn't want to do. which would not be obvious if dirk didn't have nearly a year's worth experience in dave's body language, since he's a decent liar. ]

I feel like I should sue them for copyright infringement? [ a joke is always a safe defense even if he has no idea how. bro-dirk will take this? dave will kind of edge towards the table to take a seat, while trying to not look like he's being cautious about it. dirk clearly wants him to sit down and eat, so that's what's going to happen? ] I'm pretty sure the red gear gives me precedence over everyone else in regards to time.

[splinten]

[Nnngh.]

Would you feel better if I left the room while you ate? We don't have surveillance in here.

[parodeity]

[ ??????????????????? this is a concerning offer. dave wonders if maybe he did not start eating fast enough.

he also briefly wonders if the food is like poisoned but he picks up a fork anyway? ]

You can do whatever you want? [ it's not quite diffident but it is: refusing to make a decision for dirk and trying to figure out what it was that dirk wanted for. whatever this is. ] You seem to know a lot about here.

[ it is not a request for info exactly because bro is terrible at giving it but he seems to be in a sharing mood so? ]

[splinten]

We've been here for almost a year. You and me. I... do not know your situation but, uh, I'm a Heart player which essentially means I deal with the soul. I noticed yours for some inexplicable reason went backwards. I can tell it's the same soul in continuity, but pulled back what I guess is four years.

Anyway, now that we've clarified that, you and me met when we were sixteen in Sburb. Had a weird rooftop conversation, hugged like two people who don't know how hugs work, went and did a final battle against double Jacks. Then we went to win Sburb and got yanked here before we could get the reward. We used to live on the base with Roxy, who is the alternate version of Rose's mom, and Rose, but you decided to move out to this tower, and you asked me to move with you. I went because obviously I want to live with my brother. We didn't do surveillance because you hate surveillance, and we don't do puppets for the same reason. We're workin' on that, though, since I like them.

On the grounds that neither of us are great at eating meals, we both try to get the other to eat. We play video games or make music together a lot. Sometimes you just work on your jams while I build more robots. There's a fish upstairs named Magister Snoop that you have to fistbump whenever you go by and a weird telekinetic alien named Obama hidin' around here. I built him cubby hiding spots since he's skittish. We also have a rappin' drone named Wiz.

I can answer other questions. [If Dave. Wants? He sort of dumped a ton of stupidity on that random babbling.]

[parodeity]

[ objections: 1. why is sburb stupid
2. you hugged me?????????
3. you want to live with me???????
4. i don't hate surveillance
5. i don't hate puppets, puppets are cool
6. i'm ok at eating
7. we do things together???

the parts about animals seem weird but okay. this is so much information? what comes out of dave's mouth is: ]

I don't hate puppets, puppets are chill. [ bro likes puppets. dirk has just said he likes puppets. dave is therefore okay with puppets. ] Where's Lil' Cal?

[ laughtrack ]

[splinten]

[the long pause of realizing Dave probably can't handle 'i burned him because he was used to abuse you']

Your Bro's puppet hasn't ever showed up here.

[nailed it]

[parodeity]

[ like, he didn't not nail it?

it's weird for bro to keep trying to make distinctions between himself and. himself. but okay. dave will take a bite of his pancakes.

remarkably, he does not keel over of poison, so maybe this is safe. ]

Oh. That sucks for you, I guess? Maybe you'll find him later. I haven't fist-bumped him in like, a whole day.

[ BECAUSE HE HATES PUPPETS and also has no idea where cal. is? details ]

[splinten]

[These pancakes taste of blank terror.]

We talked a lot, you, in the future, and me.

Do you want to play Mario Kart after breakfast? Or Mario Party. Or Octodad with one controller.

[parodeity]

[ like dave more thinks they taste like glorified bread but since he likes bread that's fine.

THIS CONTINUES TO BE A WEIRD DAY when can he go back to......stable timeloops and levelgrinding. that was easier. ]

Okay. [ shit wait was he supposed to agree??? but dirk. offered. that means he wants to, right?? there is no offer bro has ever made in dave's life that dave has not immediately taken the dude up on. sometimes even when he didn't want to, but that...isn't the case here?

he doesn't see anything wrong with mario kart? well. ] I haven't played it before.

[ bro only had an xbox. ]

But if that's okay? [ genuine question is he passing this weird test yet. ]

[splinten]

[Dave put some fucking syrup on your pancakes.]

Yeah, sure. We can do anything you want.

[parodeity]

[ he will put syrup on his pancakes if/when dirk puts syrup on his pancakes?

dave's expression doesn't change to the casual observer but dirk will easily be able to tell dave is uncomfortable with the decision being tossed back to him. ]

The thing you wanted to do is fine? [ if apparently training is out (dave isn't really too upset about that, although maybe it means future dave sucks at fighting still and bro has given up or something???) then ? ]

[splinten]

[Dirk does put syrup on his pancakes? He likes sweet things, he grew up on orange soda.]

Shit. Right, you don't like—ok. Okay, cool. [Okay. He can do this. Breathe.]

The plan for the day is breakfast, some games together, lunch, maybe a movie if you want, dinner, and then you can work on your music while I build some of my bots or something. It isn't one of our movie nights but whatever, no rule against extra movies.

[parodeity]

[ ok then dave will cautiously put syrup on his. it's probably easy to tell after a few minutes he's doing a mirroring thing where if dirk does something dave deems it okay for him to do and also maybe expected and. does it. as with the shades. and apparently as with eating?

his eyebrows want to go way up but. this...sounds okay? this sounds like an okay day. (what the fuck did he do to deserve this, he's not sure) ]

Cool. You build robots? [ that's new. ]

[splinten]

Yeah. It's pretty soothing to me. You put a ban on me buildin' any more weaponized drones, so I've been working on building basic robots for farming and room building.

[He imagines Dave is not going to understand this idea of 'you put a ban' but oh well.]

[parodeity]

I did what.

[ YEAH, WHAT? what do you mean he told bro to stop doing something?

what do you mean bro stopped?

the blank surprise overtakes his entire body. uh. ]

[splinten]

You kept sayin' I made too many weaponized drones. So I stopped makin' weaponized drones.

[Welcome to bizarro world resident You.]

[parodeity]

[ ????????????????????????????????? dave is quietly bsod'ing but at least he is well versed in continuing to like, move despite that. please pay no attention to the internal shrieking behind the curtain. ]

Oh, cool. [ "cool" is a safe word and how much should he be talking here? normally they don't have conversations. but bro keeps saying things and seems to expect and/or want responses so...?

is dave supposed to contribute more? shit he should be contributing more. ]

Maybe you can make more fun drones. Like conversation bots.

[splinten]

Like an AI, or like that Google Chatbox?

[look at this dirk wants dave's opinions it's wild]

[parodeity]

[ what is life. dave chooses to drink. all his apple juice to delay answering. this is a stupid tactic. then, hesitantly but flippantly: ]

Both? Chatboxes are fun but they're easy to predict.

[splinten]

What kind of AI? I've sort of put a self-enforced ban on makin' anything truly sentient. I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility again.

[parodeity]

[ OH WELL IF IT'S SOMETHING BRO DOESN'T WANT TO DO ]

Just a chatbox is cool though. Maybe just with more random replies than the usual?

[splinten]

Dude, it's cool.

[He reaches out to pat Dave's arm.

He freezes half an inch from said arm.]

Uh.

[Shit. If he asks if it's okay to touch him Dave will absolutely say yes. So should he? If someone can't say 'no' then they can't really say 'yes' but is this a case where avoiding contact would actually be more harmful because, you know, Bro? Shit. Godfuckingdammit.

Hand is still paralyzed there as Dirk stares in blank terror.]